At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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