So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
