I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
my shit smells like andre
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I checked into jail on foursquare
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
