the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
