If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
