So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Randomize
