Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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