I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
