Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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