I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
