Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
