i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
