i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
im having a threesome with these popsicles
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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