you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
