so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize