this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
