when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
