I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
