He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
