Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
