so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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