Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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