We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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