Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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