people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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