I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
