I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
