You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
