Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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