so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
