i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
she told me i tasted like america
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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