The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
