I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
you would pick up someone in the library
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
