I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize