why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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