honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I need to stop coming to work sober
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
