I faked an abortion last night.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
