Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
When are your genitals available?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
