i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize