Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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