I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
This is the high leading the old right now
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
