i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize