I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
