im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
