My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Randomize
