Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize