i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
