I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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