I wish i was in the wii world.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
