whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
