based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
