please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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