oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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