they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
