I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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