Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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