If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
