He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
