Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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