I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
