Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
