I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
