Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
