this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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