i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
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