she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
