I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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