dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
