Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
