i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
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