Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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