I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
