It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
