I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
