Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
