it was like his penis was on wheels.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
