got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize