hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
