just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
