I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I love you. Go after that dick
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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