I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
