I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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