i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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