i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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