I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
