Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
